Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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