yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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