she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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