She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
