rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
