I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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