Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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