just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
PANTIES FOUND
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