Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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