ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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