i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
