I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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