ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
