it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
