i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
