Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You are the jesus of drinking
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
