Tell her she can't have a vagina
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
