You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
