i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
