so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
