Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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