Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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