her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
