Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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