a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
