I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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