Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
