one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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