My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
