Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
