when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Buhtt sex?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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