bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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