Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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