eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
