I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
