your thong is hanging out like whoa
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
