A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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