Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
