Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
