Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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