whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
