Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
