WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
