i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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