I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
