we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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