There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
