are you still at the devil's house?
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
