so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
