So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
