just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
