the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
