My room smells like vodka and shame
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my shit smells like andre
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
