that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
