Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
