In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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